trauma -- ptsd

here is where I get vulnerable and have kept this hidden within myself for so many reasons. As I was watching root tech (latter day saint expo) I learned that its okay and even necessary to tell our family the ugly parts of our life along with the happy and good. I made a decision then to share this hoping that it may help someone in our family someday. I've already shared it with a daughter or maybe 2. When I was 16, mom had died and I was struggling, still trying to be a good girl, whatever that meant. Me, Nyle, and another friend or 2 were walking to mutual (YW) on a weeknight because thats when we had it. Instead of going the normal short way, we decided to take the longer way around the block. Kitty corner on my block lived a few mexican boys close to our age, maybe older or younger, I don't recall. They saw us walking and came over to us. Nyle was a natural flirt which I'm sure didn't help. One of them came after me, pushed me to the ground and tried to rape me. As I was begging and yelling at my "friends" to help me they kept on walking, probably scared, but still abandoning me surrounded by at least 3 guys. I told the guy ready to rape me that I was having my period and he got off me. But then he and I think it was just him, for the rest of the block he followed me. My friends were long gone. He caught me right at the stairs of the church before I could get in and got me on the ground again. At this point I heard my grandma yell my name, the guy got up and left. I went to my grandma hoping for some kind of sympathy but I got scolded instead. Again I'm sure she was just scared and probably had no idea what to do. She told me she had a feeling to check on me at the church - I thank my Heavenly Father and mom for rescuing me from an even worse terrible trauma and possible pregnancy. Yeah we have to think of those things too. It didn't dawn on me right away but over the years I had trouble being around mexicans and if i was alone I was anxious. Usually looking over my shoulder. When my boyfriend, Doug, found out what had happened (I didn't tell him) (how he found out I'm not sure)he went looking for these guys and threatened them to leave me alone. He may have had some issues but looking out for me and protecting me wasn't one of them. I knew he cared and would do anything to be there for me and not make me feel worse than I already did. I remember being on the bus going to school the next day and seeing Doug flying past us in his car, knowing there was hell to pay for those guys. Wow - My daughter mentioned to me that maybe the reason I have such a problem (one of them) going to church is because of what had almost happened to me at the stairs of a church. You know things, trauma, ptsd, don't always show up right away. If we don't talk about those issues they fester, mine festered and over time started showing up in weird ways. I am hoping that by sharing this it not only helps me getting it out but possibly will help others - not that I want anything like this to happen to anyone ever, especially my dear ones, but you just never know.